StarCraft Interviews
by MindthatGap
Summary: Some little thing I made after listening to StarCraft unit quotes.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I do not own StarCraft. It belongs to Blizzard Entertainment.

StarCraft Q&A, Terran units

Day 1

I noticed some things between StarCraft 1 & 2 that were funny about the units. They really need to make up their minds. (Some of this isn't really that, but still.)

What do you think of what happened in the past?

Marine: How do I get out of this chickensh*t outfit?

Battlecruiser: Everything I say sounds like "make it so." "Take it slow, make it happen."

Siege tank: Ready to roll out!

Firebat: I love the smell of naplam.

Ghost: Should of nuked the crap out of this place.

Siege tank: READY TO ROLL OUT!

Goliath: I look badass, but have no personality.

SCV: Am I seriously the only black unit in the entire StarCraft universe? I mean really? And I work for a bunch of redneck southerners to make it worse? How godda*n racist are you Blizzard?

Dropship: I liked dropping people outside without a parachute or anything.

Medic: State the nature of your medical emergency.

Thoughts on the present?

Marine: Still stuck in this chickensh*t outfit.

Goliath: I look fatass, but now I am Dustin Browder!

Firebat: Ahh... turns out I hate the smell of naplam in the morning.

Ghost: Whenever I see a world untouched by war, a world of innocence, a world of lush forests and clear rivers... I really just wanna nuke the crap out of it.

Medic: Please state the nature of your medical emergency.

SCV: Oh, but now I'm a little druggie bastard who spends his days earning pennies building buildings, collecting resources, and earning only pennies a day (=:O)

Dropship (medivac): Now I have to heal them though. THE FLYING HEAL BUS!

Marauder: Oh, so now I'm the only black unit! And they make me look all heavy and speak in a stereotypical deep voice with stereotypical lines!

Battlecruiser: I'm an idiot with a license and authority.

Raven: Awaiting orders.

Siege tank: ROLLIN' OUT!

What does the future hold?

Marine: Still stuck in this chickensh*t outfit.

Firebat: I'm replaced by some gay looking guy in a jeep that shoots giant flames despite its small size.

Medic: PLEASE JUST STATE THE NATURE OF YOUR MEDICAL EMERGENCY!

Ghost: I nuked the crap out of that world.

Siege tank: COLLATERAL DAMAGE AND KILLING MORE FRIENDLIES THAN ENEMIES! I'M ALSO GONNA GO DEAF!

SCV: I'm gonna be a black druggie bastard who's in the Workers' Union in an attempt to earn more money.

Marauder: A whole lotta love.

Raven: This vessel has assumed control.

Battlecruiser: IT'S A TRAP!

Probably a lot more, but I got tired of that.

Some more questions for you!

Everyone: *Groans*

They will be very deep, and ask of your viewpoint on life, basically your **Philosophy!**

Everyone: *Groans even more*

Ok, first question: Your thoughts on stimpack/drug use, its possible benefits/costs, is it worth it?

Marine: *Shick* AH yeah! *Injects again* AH, that's the stuff!

Firebat: *Shick* AH yeah! *Injects again* AH, that's the stuff!

Marauder: *Injects stim, it only makes weird noise* Da*n you Blizzard!

Man, stim (noises?) were way better in SC1 than in SC2.

Medic/Medivac: I have to heal all these ***t addicted men!

High templar: *Takes stimpack* YES! I feel so HIGH! Way better than that pylon crack!

Zealot: En Taro Cuisine, brother, I agree!

HEY, get out of here!

Dark templar: *Sigh* That's why I left the Khala.

Reaper: Da*n it, I'm out of stims.

Zealot, High templar: *Sneak out slowly*

Zealot and High templar return to Tal'darim base. They tell their brothers about something way better than Sundrop, but fail to mention that it's the stims, the things Terrans take to make themselves OP.

Next time on this thingy that we're doing, we interview some 'toss.

Yes, I know SC interview fics have been done before.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **I do not own StarCraft, or any of its characters, units, etc. Blizzard does.

Chapter 2

Day 2, Protoss

I wanted to keep interviewing the terrans, but they got kinda rowdy. *Camera moves to a corner*

Marine: *Stims up* Thank you sir may I have another?

Firebat: Smells like victory

Medic: FOR THE LAST TIME, THIS IS NOT A STRIPOGRAM!

Tosh: Mmmm I love weed

*Camera flicks back*

Anyway...

Today we are going to ask the Protoss, who are obviously far more advanced than space rednecks, some questions.

Q1: Do you think the terrans and protoss should work together, and if so, would it work?

Tal'darim executor: KILL ALL TERRANS! JAMES RAYNOR SHALL PAY! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGGGGGH! SUNDROP! YARRRGH!

Ok... so we now know that they are Tal'darim, and not Shakuras protoss. Let's ask a bit on them then.

Q2: Aren't you Tal'darim supposed to be a bunch of cave dwellers on Aiur?

Tal'darim executor: *Fancies himself up* Ahem, that is a common misconception. We are all addicted to Sundrop and like to turtle alot, but no. You see, the Tal'darim in the cave were all of us originally, but then Blizzard needed to have an excuse for Terran vs Protoss in the campaign, so we became the Tal'darim you see today. That is all.

o-O now he's all polite.

Q3: So if you were all in cave, what did you eat; how did you live?

TDE: SUNDROP! *Takes some Sundrop*

Q4: But don't Protoss need light and dew drops (besides the dark templar)

TDE: WE LIVE OFF OF SUNDROP! ARRRRGH!

The Tal'darim then all go on a Sundrop induced rampage, tearing through the interview room.

Damn it.

Next time we either interview Zerg, UED, or real Protoss.


End file.
